Broleplay 1/29 - Trap Magnet
Alternate Title: 'I made a pie!'

Last Time on Critical Brole… err… Broleplay

Dark Dreams

The party awoke from what was for Ronfar and Ycy a sleepless night. Encroaching shadows kept Ycy from completing his inactive cycle and dark dreams stirred in Ronfar’s mind. Both of them awoke somewhat shaken and all the more aware of the evil lurking in the shadows beyond the doors to Chateau Gluant.

After a quiet breakfast the party once again ventured into the grounds of the vineyard, this time choosing to explore the small home on the west side of the property before proceeding into the manor proper. This home, as it turned out, was both the dwelling and workshop of the vineyard’s cooper and his apprentice.

The building was sealed shut, it’s heavy wooden door closed and locked and the storm shutters stuck closed with a glue-like substance. Luckily the party had found a key during the previous night’s scuffle at the barn. They proceeded into the cooper’s residence to find it ransacked. In the workshop there were a few tools scattered around, and in the living area the party found that the majority of the furniture had been smashed and broken on the ground.

Pimkin Trips a Trap

Pimkin proceeds to check out a small bedroom off to the side that seems to be somewhat in order, minus the lump of something underneath the blankets. As soon as Pimkin pulls the blanket off to reveal a partially decomposed and possibly gnawed on torso, a Ghoul leaps up and dumps the entire bed over onto Pimkin, paralyzing him as the ghoul’s overlong fingernails dig into Pimkin’s skin.

Thanks to some quick acting by Ronfar and a flurry of Divine spells the ghoul is subdued without any lasting effects. The party then searches the premises of what they now know to be the master and apprentice cooper’s residence and workshop.


Satisfied with the job they did of searching the Cooper’s residence, proceed to the southern end of the property to investigate the two large masses of vines that sit on either side of the property. Ycy laboriously cuts a path, being the only one in the group with any sort of propensity for slashing weapons, and eventually the party is stopped by the sound of steel hitting wood.

The party discovers what once would’ve been the crowning achievement of the Chateau Gluant winery; it’s prized wine grapes. The rows of grapes now overgrown, the red grapes themselves now a sickly green and filled with a liquid resembling pus. Across the property the party found that the white grapes had fallen victim to the same fate.

“This item is what’s causing all of the vines in the area not to grow.”

After exploring the vine thickets the party begins to move towards the manner. As they approach they see a well off to the side of the property that is mysteriously absent of vines. They move to investigate and find the water to be pure, but see a small object shining at the bottom of the forty foot drop. Pimkin declares that obviously this item is the source of whatever effect keeps the vines at bay and, somewhat against his will, is lowered into the well by rope.

Pimkin, drawing on his arcane knowledge as a wizard and the time he has spent in the company of the cleric Ronfar, is able to determine that the faint magical aura emanating from the well is the remnants of a ‘purify food and drink’ spell cast by a cleric or paladin, though he is not able to pinpoint exactly how long ago. Nonetheless Pimkin reaches deep into the water to recover the shining artifact and pulls out a plain, dented tin cup, similar to what any adventurer might find in a mess kit.

Gargoyle Rodeo

After exploring the perimeter of the manor and discovering some huts that may have been inhabited by laborers once but were now filled with zombie corpses and scorch marks, the party made their way to the front of the manor and decided to take a short rest. The steps up to the manor are flanked on either side by griffon statues that had been damaged and defaced, but above on the rooftop were five gargoyle statues. One of the gargoyles, who had remained unmoving until now, began to stir.

After stretching out it’s wings and shaking off the dust after having apparently been stationary for some time, the Gargoyle appears to be looking for a fight. The party, all except Pimkin, are quick to notice the movement and spring to their feet, ready to fight this creature. The gargoyle, apparently confused at being noticed so quickly, was lassoed by Ycy before it could so much as move. Ycy then yanked the creature from the roof and into the bushes below and the party began their assault.

After being heavily wounded the gargoyle attempted to flee. As he flew away from the party a firebolt, flung by Pimkin, burst underneath one of its wings, sending it falling; it’s body breaking into pieces as it hit the ground. Ycy claimed a chunk of their fallen foe before they entered the manor proper.

Literally Every Trap

The large and finely crafted wooden doors of the manor opened up into a grand, two-story foyer. A musty smell rose as the party kicked up long-undisturbed dust. There appeared to be signs of battle; broken arrows, axes, and swords lay strewn about and what little furniture once was there had almost all been cleared out and what was left was badly damaged.

The next room the party discovered appears to have once been a fine ballroom. What was once likely an architectural marvel of crafstmanship — appearing to be made without the use of any metal or adhesives — this entire room appeared to have been made entirely out of a deep, rich-colored wood. A carved relief on one wall of the room appeared to portray Master and Mistress Gluant.

The party then entered a dark, narrow hallway that led them to what they found to be the master winemaker’s room. In a locked roll-top desk, which Strayer smashed open, Pimkin found a journal. In doing so however Pimkin also was pricked by a needle coated in poison and apparently aimed at anyone trying to gain access to this desk without a key. Pimkin, once again in need of saving, was purged of the poison by Strayer.

Dark Words, Dark Deeds

Using his ‘Understand Languages’ spell, Pimkin was able to decipher the journal and determined that it had once belonged to a man named Suey. Suey had deceived the Gluants and gained their trust while secretly recruiting for a demonic cult. Eventually all of the workers and even the Gluants themselves were sacrificed to this demon, but after that Suey appears to have began to go mad and also began sacrificing his fellow cultists and turning them all into the slime zombies the party had encountered up to this point.

Something’s in the Kitchen with Strayer

After discovering the activities of a demonic cult, Strayer’s resolve was steeled further and he immediately decided that this site was long overdue for a holy purge. The next room the party encountered was the kitchen. The kitchen seemed to be the most organized of all the rooms the party had encountered so far and looked as if it had seen use after the fall of the Gluants, possibly by the cultists. The party also found a dumbwaiter that went between the first and second floors which appeared to be stuck.

Strayer took some time to clean off the mechanisms but the rope holding it in place was too rotten and when he began to attempt to lower the dumbwaiter the rope snapped, sending it crashing to their floor. Out of the dumbwaiter emerged a gelatinous ooze, inside of which floated a skeleton with a golden necklace. The ooze attempted to swallow Strayer and would have succeeded if not for Ycy reaching in and pulling him out. As the party destroyed it, it seemed to dissolve into a puddle of water and leaked through the floorboards.


Wanting to round out their exploration, the party moved to the last unexplored room on the first floor of the manor; the parlor. This was an area filled with stuffed animal trophies with several large, plush couches and a bar that, during it’s operation, was likely filled with various Chateau Gluant wines and other beverages to allow guests to sample the Gluants’ finest vintages.

One trophy animal appeared to have been put into the fireplace and burned partially, as if one of the less intelligent cultists had tried to use it for firewood. Pimkin moved to investigate and as he approached saw movement in the ashes in the corner; a gray ooze jumped to life and attacked.

The ooze, though not particularly hardy, was highly acidic and despite dispatching it quickly, it still damaged both Ycy’s blades and Strayer’s warhammer, instantly rusting them on contact.

Tune in next time…

Broleplay 1/20 - You're feeling hungry...
Alternate TItle: 'Why Don't We Check the Corpses?'

Last Time on Broleplay…

Practice makes Perfect

The party awoke from a restful night’s sleep in the Crossed Staves Inn, eager to put their new equipment to the test since the conclusion of their first expedition with Mercury Exploration. Ycy left immediately, skipping breakfast (though not without stealing a biscuit with his ‘snikts’ on the way out) to see if Cilia of The Fox’s Arsenal had been able to extract useful poison from the Mamura.

He met back up with the party who then sat out on a short journey out of town to practice their skills, and Pimkin in particular sought to learn more about the mysterious orb that had drawn him to it. Strayer, meanwhile, mastered the art of throwing his warhammer at stationary objects.

Something slimy this way comes…

After a semi-successful morning of practice, including scorching grass and striking trees with lightning the party returned to Kael Faen. Pimkin and Ronfar headed to see the wizard Agamon, and then to the Synagogue of the Seven Circles for Ronfar to pray. During this time Ycy and Strayer were accosted by a man whom at first seemed to be a drunkard, leaving greasy smears wherever he touched.

After a brief fight it was revealed that the man was merely a puppet, his insides mostly dissolved and feeding an olive slime that, upon his death, melted and consumed what flesh remained. Strayer and Ycy destroyed the slime but not before it could infect Strayer, who suffered a decrease in his physicality and ravenous hunger as the slime began to feed on him.

It’s dangerous to go alone! Drink this!

After the party reconvened and noticed Strayer’s strange behavior, they set out to Rosy’s Oils and Elixers to have her examine a bit of inert slime that Ycy had scooped up. Playing into Strayer’s ravenous hunger, she handed him a potion of paralysis which he immediately quaffed. During the brief effect the party was able to reveal the slime moldering on Strayer’s chest and were able to freeze it off thanks to another one of Rosy’s potions. Rosy then left to alert the local Clerics to a possible outbreak.

The party also ran into Mara, who was able to provide some unexpected help when she smelled a wine delivery on the wind. Disguised in the smell of decay was the aroma of the noble rot fungus, a prized fungus allowed to grow on grapes in certain vineyards in order to produce truly spectacular vintages. One famous vineyard in particular she knew utilized this fungus; Le Chateau Gluant.

Two and a Half Horses

After a bit more investigation within Kael Faen and a good night’s sleep, the party decided to seek out the source of this infestation which they had determined to be the Chateau Gluant vineyard. After renting a horse for Strayer, a horse for Ycy, and a pony for Ronfar and Pimkin, the party set off on the day’s travel to the chateau.

Upon arrival the party was met by the smell of mildew on the air and a thicket of overgrown and non-producing grape vines, all coated with a slimy substance and barely contained by the walls around the estate. Through one of the breaches in the wall the party began to explore the grounds, finding first a 100-foot-long barn, padlocked closed with the words ‘Do Not Open’ scrawled on the doors in blood.

Strayer, sensing evil coming from inside the barn, was not able to heed the warning. Driven by his Paladin Oath he struck the lock, destroying it and sending a portion of the barn door into splinters, which he then swung open to reveal a large group of ‘slime zombies’ — and two undead horses.

Let’s camp for the night.. far away from here.

After vanquishing the evil presences Strayer felt, the party found 3 bottles of Chateau Gluant summer blend as well as a simple iron key. Despite that, they decided to camp outside of the walls and to continue their search in the morning. Strayer and Ycy were briefly infected with the olive slime again, but thanks to Ronfar’s acuity as a Cleric they were able to be cleansed, and the party left to find their horses and make camp in a small, well-sheltered alcove.

Broleplay 1/13 - Minotaur Madness
Alternate Title: 'Hammers Don't Float'

Last Time on Broleplay


After a tough battle against an awakened blood elemental, the party found themselves tired and bruised, standing over a strange stairwell leading downward into darkness.

Having expended most of their abilities, the party set up to rest in what little shade they could find and as night began to fall they gathered their strength and set forth somewhat refreshed into the tunnel.

“I’m attacking the darkness!”

The party headed into the tunnels and, with the help of Ronfar’s Light spell, were able to slowly but safely make their way into the halls below. As they traveled deeper the party began to notice a strange magical phenomenon — noise was being dampened, so much so that they were forced to shout to communicate with someone only a few feet away.

The party tied a rope to one of the halflings and all grabbed hold to ensure they would stay together, and after several more minutes of traveling and attempting unsuccessfully to light the path ahead with firebolts, eventually emerged together into a large, triangular room with obsidian columns and a huge obsidian statue of a minotaur.

The party explored this chamber and noticed a strange gibbering chatter coming from the minotaur statue and were headed to examine the sealed door on the other side when the statue sprung to life and grievously wounded Strayer with a surprise attack before charging across the room and pinning the unsuspecting Pimkin to a wall with its horns.

More like Pin kin

During the battle it was revealed that a small, blue-green tentacled creature was inside the statue. After it’s armor was destroyed the creature lashed out with it’s 3 clawed arms and the stinging tentacle atop its head, but the party managed to surround it, setting it on fire as Ycy perforated it with a flurry of ‘snikts’.

The party then took a moment to heal up and make sure everyone was in one piece before proceeding to investigate the door. Even with Tathrag’s skills it took several minutes for him to open the lock, and as the door open, Pimkin found himself drawn into the room by a primal urge he could not resist.

Old Magics.

Upon entering the vaults, Pimkin immediately reaches for a glowing orb on a pedestal. A pulse of magical energy is released as the noise-dampening effect is dispelled and causes Pimkin to experience a vision that reveals to him some of the true nature of this artifact and as he comes to he insists to the others that they cannot let anyone outside of the party know about it.

The party gathers what valuables they can along with the corpse of the strange creature and exit the way they came. They smuggle the orb back into Kael Faen and rests for the night in their usual rooms at The Crossed Staves.

Welcome to your campaign!
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Wondering how to get started? Here are a few tips:

1. Invite your players

Invite them with either their email address or their Obsidian Portal username.

2. Edit your home page

Make a few changes to the home page and give people an idea of what your campaign is about. That will let people know you’re serious and not just playing with the system.

3. Choose a theme

If you want to set a specific mood for your campaign, we have several backgrounds to choose from. Accentuate it by creating a top banner image.

4. Create some NPCs

Characters form the core of every campaign, so take a few minutes to list out the major NPCs in your campaign.

A quick tip: The “+” icon in the top right of every section is how to add a new item, whether it’s a new character or adventure log post, or anything else.

5. Write your first Adventure Log post

The adventure log is where you list the sessions and adventures your party has been on, but for now, we suggest doing a very light “story so far” post. Just give a brief overview of what the party has done up to this point. After each future session, create a new post detailing that night’s adventures.

One final tip: Don’t stress about making your Obsidian Portal campaign look perfect. Instead, just make it work for you and your group. If everyone is having fun, then you’re using Obsidian Portal exactly as it was designed, even if your adventure log isn’t always up to date or your characters don’t all have portrait pictures.

That’s it! The rest is up to your and your players.


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